BEWARE OF THE IDES OF MARCH

contributed by

Rev. Lowell Dean Allen

retired United Methodist pastor

“Et tu, Brute!”  Beware the Ides of March

Julius Caesar in ancient Rome met his end at the hands of a close friend Brutus on the Ides of March.

How very betrayed we feel when our closest friend(s) “stab us in the back!”

There must not be a more demoralizing experience if and when it happens.

And it does happen too often.

Climbers in the office, or those climbing the social ladder, with the attitude of  “me first”, have no concern for those whose efforts have made them appear good. It is just “get out of my way.”

Teens can be very hurtful in the social network in order to be included in the “with it’ crowd when the leaders have persuaded your friends that you are not to be a part.  Gang leaders put your friends to a test to “out” you in order to be part of the gang.

There are even those who make up untrue stories about you when they think it will give them an advantage.

You discover an adult best friend is having an affair with your mate.

These are only a few examples. You likely have your own to share. The question is “How do you handle the depressing information?  How do you recover the ‘I’m O.K.’ feelings as genuine?” In almost every instance you need to understand that there is nothing “wrong” with you, nor have you done the wrong thing--it is not your fault.

Finding a counselor or therapist that is not emotionally involved is the best way to work through the morass of bad feelings. Don’t delay doing so. Otherwise the “stew” your mind is in continues to boil!

FAMILY STORIES

note: the following post was written in response to Dr. Maurlea Babb's post of December 19, 2011 (see below). The experience is just as applicable to family reunions and gatherings of any kind as it is to the Christmas holidays.

contributed by

Rev. Lowell Dean Allen

retired United Methodist pastor

 

 

Dr. Babb’s story relating the “left out” experience of the 75 year old lady prompted me to write.

Christmas Day my Pastor Vickie Hadaway (Irving Park United Methodist) encouraged us to tell our Christmas memories to our families as we celebrate with them. On this New Years Day my family gathered to celebrate both Christmas and the birthdays that we have at this time of the year.

As we ate the wonderful meal that my college age grandson had prepared I took the opportunity to share with the three generations at the table. I told them of the Christmas time 80 years ago when I was six.  Christmas was special in the Methodist parsonage because my mother made it so for five boys.  Pastor’s salaries were in the hundreds not thousands--yes HUNDREDS. But dad and mom raised a few hens, along with a couple of cows. Mother would bake 13 egg angel food cakes with candy icing for the neighbors.  She would get a dollar for the cake which she socked away so we boys would have a toy along with the shirts she had made out of the cloth bags that contained the 50 pounds of flour purchased through the year.

I got a wind up caterpillar tractor that would crawl over the Lincoln logs or pencils. My three year old brother did not think it went fast enough so he pushed it until it stripped a gear.

I prompted our children  to remember that their mother and I purposely gave them “equal” presents. Our daughter got a doll and our son an electric train.  The next year the daughter got a train and the son a doll (Amos Andra--from the Amos and Andy radio personalities.)

We also shared information that each individually had received from extended members of the family.  Grandparents, parents, and grandchildren shared and enjoyed our “stories.”  Even the fiancé of our granddaughter got some family history and shared some of his history with us.

Instead of holidays being a downer, push yourself to be involved telling your stories--and listening to others experiences from years past.