LONELINESS MAGNIFIED DURING THE HOLIDAYS

contributed by:

Dr. E. Maurlea Babb

family therapist

member of First United Methodist Church,

Glen Ellyn, Illinois

Do you look forward to the holiday season with joyful memories of the past?  Or do you, as the two persons highlighted in this article, face the holidays with feelings of anxiety and pain from past experiences.

Two persons shared their stories recently – a courageous act, allowing for vulnerability.

I am Jonathon, a 28 year old and single.  I am a Christian and try to live my faith.  I recently moved into a new community and looked forward to building new relationships so naturally turned to the church of my denomination in the area.  It is a large congregation and I was encouraged to visit the young adult group of 30 plus persons. The holidays were just beginning and the church bulletin announced a gathering to celebrate the beginning of the Christmas season.  I walked into the meeting room noting that visiting and eating was happening.  One table welcomed me to sit with them.  I got a plate of snacks and a beverage, looking forward to meaningful interactions. It did not happen.  My efforts to connect were ignored and I was feeling very alone in the midst of conversation.  I left the gathering wondering – “What would Jesus do – how would his presence have been handled.” 

I am Leona, a 79 year old widow and I’m remembering the family gathering of last year during the Holy Season.  We will gather this year at my son’s home and I will be encouraged to sit by the fire – a distance away from the rest of the family.  All will come and pay their respects with a hug and a few words but I cannot engage them in conversation for long because they have other priorities.  I know that they love me and I know that Jesus is always with me, but somehow I feel not valued, not important; my years of living and the wisdom I could share from those years is never requested. I am ‘lonely in the crowd.’

What can we do? What are we willing to do, as ambassadors of Jesus, in our church families and in our homes to embrace both physical touch and meaningful interaction in order for all to feel valued and to have a sense of belonging?  Holidays only emphasize the opportunities before us.   Let us pray and be intentional with our actions about what we profess to believe, “a creed of ‘open doors’ and ‘open hearts.’

Mental Health Awareness Week

shared by Rev. Linda Deming

coordinator, Mental Health Ministries Task Group

October 2-9 (the first full week of October) will be Mental Health Awareness Week for 2011. Sometime in their lives, 1 out of 4 individuals will suffer from or will be affected by the mental illness of one close to him/her. That is 25% of our congregations! Because so many are affected, it is crucial that the Church do all it can to combat the stigma and silence surrounding mental illness in our culture, as well as providing support for affected persons. There are many ways to do this: an initial  step is to talking about mental health during a worship service in October and in the month of May, which is observed as Mental Health Awareness Month.

Below are two worship resources adapted from those offered by NAMI FaithNet. Additional possibilities (including bulletin inserts) may be found at www.nami.org/namifaithnet  http://www.mentalhealthministries.net/ and http://www.pathways2promise.org/.

The Mental Health Ministries Task Group encourage your congregation to make mental health a recurring topic in the life of your congregation.

Prayer Of Confession

We confess that we are still uninformed about mental illness and how it impacts individuals and their families.

At times, because of our lack of knowledge and understanding, we find ourselves separated from our sisters and brothers with mental illness, their families and ourselves.

There are lines drawn between us because our definitions of wholeness are distinctions made in word, not spirit.

Because of our lack of knowledge, we live cut off from sources of strength and power that help us to be present to people with mental illness. This disconnect often makes us feel that we cannot act.

Yet, in the face of all this, we continue to seek knowledge and understanding of mental illness that will bring liberation and shalom to us and those we serve, uniting us to action.

All: O God, our liberation and shalom, we seek the power of your Spirit, that we may live in fuller union with you, ourselves and our sisters and brothers with mental illness. Also grant that we may gain the courage to love and understand each other. Amen.

Pastoral Prayer

Loving Creator, we come to you because we know that you are a God of love and compassion. We come seeking your presence, comfort and guidance. We come as individuals living with mental illness, family members, friends, co-workers and mental health professionals. We come this day because we believe that you, Divine One, love each one of us just as we are. You walk with us on our individual journeys through life. You see the ignorance and injustice that divide and separate persons living with mental illness and you weep with us.

Give us courage to face our challenges. Open us to the many ways you are already working in our midst. Help us to identify mental illness as the disease it is, that we might have courage and wisdom in the face of ignorance and stigma. Inspire us as we seek to overcome fear, acquire knowledge and advocate for compassionate and enlightened treatment and services.

Lead us, enable us to find ways to include persons living with mental illness in our everyday lives. Be with doctors, therapists, researchers, social workers and all those in the helping professions as they seek to overcome ignorance and injustice with care and compassion.

Sometimes, Divine Spirit, we feel discouraged and hopeless in the face of so many challenges. Help us to see ourselves as you see us—persons of value and worth, persons of creativity and potential. May we come to understand the interconnectedness of mind, body and spirit in bringing about health and wholeness. And may we go forward into our communities with a renewed sense of vision, hope and possibility for the future. Amen. [adapted from a prayer by the Reverend Susan Gregg-Schroeder]

Humor, Prayer and Pacing

shared by Marge Sebert

member, Wood Dale Community Church (UM), Wood Dale, IL



After four inpatient hospitalizations and two outpatient sessions, I realized that this was not how I wanted to spend the rest of my life! Although I will never to ever be able to be off medications completely, this is the plan I am going to put into affect:

1. Prayer, prayer and more prayer! God can fix anyone.

2. I hope to keep them medications to a minimum!

3. I try to pace myself.

4. I try to lessen racing thoughts.

5. I try to avoid anxiety and obsessive compulsive behavior disorder.

6. I I utilize music therapy and cognitive behavior (which minimizes self-defeating thoughts).

7. I find humor in the small things, especially being able to laugh at myself! [Until my second marriage, never really knew what humor was! I grew up in a home that had no sense of humor at all. Boring!]

It isn't easy. However, I must keep working at it!

NOT A CASSEROLE ILLNESS

contributed by Leroy K. Pickett

member of First United Methodist Church,

Downers Grove, IL

Typically when people in a caring church hear that a member is hospitalized for a heart condition, cancer surgery or a broken leg, a beautifully cooked casserole is brought to the home of the family.  However, this is seldom the case when the member is hospitalized due to an episode associated with depression, bipolar disease or schizophrenia.  Hence, people who work with those in churches, who have a mental illness, consider it, “A NO CASSEROLE ILLNESS.”  Why is this hurtful stigma associated with mental illnesses? 

First of all, there may be some real issues for the person who is sick.  It seems our society would rather have a worker with untreated mental illness than one who has received treatment.  This makes absolutely no sense.  In fact, a worker may lose his/her job when it is learned that treatment has been received for one, simple mental illness episode.  Workers who receive appropriate mental health treatment perform their tasks far more effectively than those who remain untreated. 

A second and frequently more critical reason for lack of response by people at church, is that family members often hide mental illness from others because of fear of rejection, even by close friends in the church.  Oftentimes the fears experienced by the family are real reactions to previously experienced awkward silences when attempting to discuss concerns associated with mental illness.

For loving support of those experiencing the pains associated with mental illness, attitudes about mental illness must change and the church should lead the way rather than remaining decades behind.  Ian Aitken, President and Chief Executive Officer of the well-known Menninger Clinic located in Houston, Texas, wrote the following statement.  “It takes great courage to be honest about mental illness when it strikes, as it will for one in four Americans.  We cannot afford to complicate the recovery by remaining silent and sustaining the stigma that persists throughout society.  We must encourage all members of our national community to address the issue of mental illness openly and honestly and help those afflicted to access treatment as early as possible.  Early treatment for cuts to our skin prevents infection.  Like the ailments of the body, the brain responds to early treatment.”   

ME -- A BULLY?

 

contributed by:

Dr. E. Maurlea Babb

family therapist

member of First United Methodist Church,

Glen Ellyn, Illinois

“Don’t you know how you should behave – what’s wrong with you?”

“I’m sure that you see the value of doing it my way.”

“You’re not good enough to belong to our organization.”

"My mommy says that I can’t play with you.”

“Until you cooperate with the program, you will not go far in this company.”

“You are a nobody and no one wants to associate with you.” 

And so the bullying begins and continues.

How many times have you and I witnessed or been a part of this subtle (or not so subtle) behavior of bullying? Too often we only recognize the more blatant forms which are reported as someone commits suicide or plans revenge in other ways.  Our landscape is dotted with acts of bullying which are often ignored as we want and try to be ‘somebody’ who is accepted and valued.

In response to the bullying ‘plague’, we have formed committees to plan and execute controls and consequences. And the bullying goes on.

Perhaps we need to look more deeply at the possible roots of this interaction which occurs as individuals and groups strive to gain recognition, power, control and self worth with such behaviors.

Christ came to us to address compassion, unconditional love and acceptance of each of us as diverse persons.  What would be the cost if we were to follow that model, starting in our homes?  Could we develop a society of acceptance and affirmation?  How would we respond as a family, community which operates under a model of cooperation?  Can we only feel worthwhile if we are ‘on top’ – keeping others ‘down’ through the act of bullying – subtle or blatant?

God, I believe, has an agenda for us to work, play, dialogue together with a respect for our individuality, uniqueness and right to different points of view.  That uniqueness was not created to do harm, but to enhance us in our relationships with one another as a member of God’s family. 

Pray that we work together to understand, make changes and value each other, beginning  at the level of the family in order that those accepting, encouraging behaviors extend into our own society and beyond. 

We can and must eliminate bullying and it needs to begin with ME.

POST TRAUMATIC STRESS: NOT ONLY A MILITARY ISSUE

contributed by

Rev. Lowell Dean Allen

retired United Methodist pastor

PTSD is a very real concern for service personnel in the Military and their families. There is increased awareness that PTSD in not limited to the trauma occurring to fighting men and women. It affects their families and is also present in non-military segments of our society.

Finally, the Defense Department is giving more attention to this issue and the short comings in the ways it has been handled in the past.  The impact on the families of those serving on the battle lines is part of the situation, especially when men and women return from the battle zones with PTSD. Families just don't and cannot pick up where they were when personnel left to go to War.

Consider the trauma that occurs when women are battered or raped. Consider the impact of continual verbal abuse of parents or spouses/partners. What happens to teens when peers decide to use Facebook and Twitter to communicate very nasty things over and over about and directed to them? 

As a faith community, we must become aware of persons in our congregations suffering PTSD.

VISITS OF LOVE

contributed by:

Leroy K. Pickett

First United Methodist Church

Downers Grove, Illinois

Early in 1995, I experienced difficult challenges in attempting to satisfy requirements for transporting agricultural machinery on European roads.  I thought that I was doing all right personally, but found myself in deep depression by August. When the doctor failed to prescribe the correct medication for me to recover, I left my apartment in the Quad Cities, at the west edge of Illinois, and returned to my home in Downers Grove, Illinois. 

My recovery took nearly five months, but health returned quickly after my wife and I convinced the doctor to prescribe the medication that had previously worked well for me. While at home, I rested much of the time and sometimes took long walks through one or more of the nearby parks. 

A retired pastor, associated with my church, and his wife lived just a few blocks away from my home. From time to time, he took walks in the community and sometimes stopped to visit with me. Our conversations usually were centered on family, the lovely tree-shaded community where we live and occasionally something special one of us had read in a newspaper or book.

Even though I do not remember the details from any single visit, I frequently remember the sharing and love experienced at a time that I needed it most. It was certainly a blessing to have someone care enough to give me a lift by a visit of love.  The visits of my caring and loving friend have influenced my thoughts and actions in positive ways during the more than 15 years since his visits, a time in which I have generally experienced good health.

WHAT CAN THE CHURCH FAMILY DO?

contributed by:

Dr. E. Maurlea Babb

family therapist

member of First United Methodist Church,

Glen Ellyn, Illinois

How many times have you walked down the halls of your church and someone says, "Hi, how are you?"???  The perfunctory answer is, "Fine" and we ‘pass on by’ without touching each other in any way.

Recently when asked how I was, I replied, "Do you really want to know?"  The other person paused, made eye contact and replied, “Wow, we don’t act as though we really care about one another, do we?”  The dialogue continued for a few minutes and we both left each other with a smile and a hug.  I believe that we both felt heard, loved, and special to one another for those few moments. 

Although most of us are caring persons we get caught in own busy-ness while persons who could benefit from a few moments of our time are left in their lonely place of fear, with their image of not being a worthy person, etc., etc.

If our primary need is that of ‘belonging’, that need to feel acceptable and loveable needs to come from our family – even our church family -- no matter what behaviors we exhibit.   God’s unconditional love may be impossible for us humans to express and yet we are called to be ministers of grace to others.

So often that grace, that love, is expressed with ‘TIME.’  Giving a portion of our lives to ‘TIME’ with others can develop a true sense of a healthy, caring church family. 

So, when  someone says, “Hi, how are you?”, what will be your response?

                                                              

A Response to the Arizona Shootings

note: this email was received from Rev. Susan Gregg-Schroeder at Mental Health Ministries

We have all been touched by the tragic event in Arizona.  Prayers for all persons involved are being lifted up by faith communities across the nation. 

As we collectively try to understand the motivations behind such an act, we are hearing many comments about mental illnesses.  Some of these comments reflect the stigma surrounding these illnesses of the brain.

My prayer is that we can work together to transform this tragic event into an opportunity to educate our faith communities about mental illness.  We can work together to dispel the myths surrounding brain disorders.  We can educate about symptoms and warning signs.  We can address the social justice issue of accessibility to mental health care.

I am attaching two links to press releases from the National Alliance on Mental Illness and Mental Health America that may be helpful.

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/index.cfm?objectid=70BCF6D2-1372-4D20-C86033767CB57A23

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=press_room&template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=113184

The Mental Health Ministries Winter e-Spotlight was written before the events in Arizona.  Hopefully some of the resources we offer will be helpful in educating our faith communities to be caring congregations for persons living with a mental illness and those who love them.

This link will take you directly to the e-Spotlight on the Mental Health Ministries website.

http://www.mentalhealthministries.net/mhm_spotlights/recent_spotlights.html

Grace and peace,

Susan

Rev. Susan Gregg-Schroeder

Coordinator of Mental Health Ministries

6707 Monte Verde Dr

.

San Diego, CA 92119

sgschroed@cox.net

www.MentalHealthMinistries.net

Raising Awareness in the Local Church About Serious Mental Illness (Brain Disorders)

contributed by

Marianne Lucas

member, Our Saviour's United Methodist Church

Schaumburg, IL

1^st the Facts:

·         1 out of 5 adults will suffer from a serious mental illness in their lifetime.

·         Mental illnesses are biological – a chemical imbalance in the brain.

·         If treated early, many will recover and lead productive lives.

·         Mental illnesses are not anyone’s fault, or a result of poor upbringing.

Educating the Congregation

·         Give families an opportunity to tell their stories to the congregation.

·         Consider educational presentations or a series on the topic for established groups in the church (e.g. visitation groups, Stephen Ministers, United Methodist Women, Adult Sunday School, clergy and staff, and/or Sunday School teachers).

·         Provide a resource table. Include such items as educational materials, where one can get help, and books on the subject (including autobiographies).

Reaching Out to Individuals with Mental Illness and Their Families

·         The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) can provide speakers that are recovering from mental illness (In Our Own Voice program).

·         Organize a small group to share life experiences, a time for questions and answers, and some educational background information.

·         Visit the person suffering from mental illness in their home or hospital. Be open, willing to learn, and to just listen. Remember: they are the experts on what it is like to have a mental illness. This is a big support for the family, also.

·         Provide a support group for those who are experiencing mental illness and/or their families. (NAMI also has these groups.)

·         Offer a drop-in center once a month for socializing, recreation, light refreshments, etc. You may want to cooperate with other area churches in this.

Invite the NIC Mental Health Ministries Task Group to share insights, describe available resources, and lead dialogue about mental health ministry opportunities. Contact Marianne Lucas (847.885.2279 mariannejack@gmail.com) or Rev. Linda Deming (630.238.8746 deming_linda@att.net)