LONELINESS MAGNIFIED DURING THE HOLIDAYS

contributed by:

Dr. E. Maurlea Babb

family therapist

member of First United Methodist Church,

Glen Ellyn, Illinois

Do you look forward to the holiday season with joyful memories of the past?  Or do you, as the two persons highlighted in this article, face the holidays with feelings of anxiety and pain from past experiences.

Two persons shared their stories recently – a courageous act, allowing for vulnerability.

I am Jonathon, a 28 year old and single.  I am a Christian and try to live my faith.  I recently moved into a new community and looked forward to building new relationships so naturally turned to the church of my denomination in the area.  It is a large congregation and I was encouraged to visit the young adult group of 30 plus persons. The holidays were just beginning and the church bulletin announced a gathering to celebrate the beginning of the Christmas season.  I walked into the meeting room noting that visiting and eating was happening.  One table welcomed me to sit with them.  I got a plate of snacks and a beverage, looking forward to meaningful interactions. It did not happen.  My efforts to connect were ignored and I was feeling very alone in the midst of conversation.  I left the gathering wondering – “What would Jesus do – how would his presence have been handled.” 

I am Leona, a 79 year old widow and I’m remembering the family gathering of last year during the Holy Season.  We will gather this year at my son’s home and I will be encouraged to sit by the fire – a distance away from the rest of the family.  All will come and pay their respects with a hug and a few words but I cannot engage them in conversation for long because they have other priorities.  I know that they love me and I know that Jesus is always with me, but somehow I feel not valued, not important; my years of living and the wisdom I could share from those years is never requested. I am ‘lonely in the crowd.’

What can we do? What are we willing to do, as ambassadors of Jesus, in our church families and in our homes to embrace both physical touch and meaningful interaction in order for all to feel valued and to have a sense of belonging?  Holidays only emphasize the opportunities before us.   Let us pray and be intentional with our actions about what we profess to believe, “a creed of ‘open doors’ and ‘open hearts.’

ME -- A BULLY?

 

contributed by:

Dr. E. Maurlea Babb

family therapist

member of First United Methodist Church,

Glen Ellyn, Illinois

“Don’t you know how you should behave – what’s wrong with you?”

“I’m sure that you see the value of doing it my way.”

“You’re not good enough to belong to our organization.”

"My mommy says that I can’t play with you.”

“Until you cooperate with the program, you will not go far in this company.”

“You are a nobody and no one wants to associate with you.” 

And so the bullying begins and continues.

How many times have you and I witnessed or been a part of this subtle (or not so subtle) behavior of bullying? Too often we only recognize the more blatant forms which are reported as someone commits suicide or plans revenge in other ways.  Our landscape is dotted with acts of bullying which are often ignored as we want and try to be ‘somebody’ who is accepted and valued.

In response to the bullying ‘plague’, we have formed committees to plan and execute controls and consequences. And the bullying goes on.

Perhaps we need to look more deeply at the possible roots of this interaction which occurs as individuals and groups strive to gain recognition, power, control and self worth with such behaviors.

Christ came to us to address compassion, unconditional love and acceptance of each of us as diverse persons.  What would be the cost if we were to follow that model, starting in our homes?  Could we develop a society of acceptance and affirmation?  How would we respond as a family, community which operates under a model of cooperation?  Can we only feel worthwhile if we are ‘on top’ – keeping others ‘down’ through the act of bullying – subtle or blatant?

God, I believe, has an agenda for us to work, play, dialogue together with a respect for our individuality, uniqueness and right to different points of view.  That uniqueness was not created to do harm, but to enhance us in our relationships with one another as a member of God’s family. 

Pray that we work together to understand, make changes and value each other, beginning  at the level of the family in order that those accepting, encouraging behaviors extend into our own society and beyond. 

We can and must eliminate bullying and it needs to begin with ME.