FAMILY STORIES

note: the following post was written in response to Dr. Maurlea Babb's post of December 19, 2011 (see below). The experience is just as applicable to family reunions and gatherings of any kind as it is to the Christmas holidays.

contributed by

Rev. Lowell Dean Allen

retired United Methodist pastor

 

 

Dr. Babb’s story relating the “left out” experience of the 75 year old lady prompted me to write.

Christmas Day my Pastor Vickie Hadaway (Irving Park United Methodist) encouraged us to tell our Christmas memories to our families as we celebrate with them. On this New Years Day my family gathered to celebrate both Christmas and the birthdays that we have at this time of the year.

As we ate the wonderful meal that my college age grandson had prepared I took the opportunity to share with the three generations at the table. I told them of the Christmas time 80 years ago when I was six.  Christmas was special in the Methodist parsonage because my mother made it so for five boys.  Pastor’s salaries were in the hundreds not thousands--yes HUNDREDS. But dad and mom raised a few hens, along with a couple of cows. Mother would bake 13 egg angel food cakes with candy icing for the neighbors.  She would get a dollar for the cake which she socked away so we boys would have a toy along with the shirts she had made out of the cloth bags that contained the 50 pounds of flour purchased through the year.

I got a wind up caterpillar tractor that would crawl over the Lincoln logs or pencils. My three year old brother did not think it went fast enough so he pushed it until it stripped a gear.

I prompted our children  to remember that their mother and I purposely gave them “equal” presents. Our daughter got a doll and our son an electric train.  The next year the daughter got a train and the son a doll (Amos Andra--from the Amos and Andy radio personalities.)

We also shared information that each individually had received from extended members of the family.  Grandparents, parents, and grandchildren shared and enjoyed our “stories.”  Even the fiancé of our granddaughter got some family history and shared some of his history with us.

Instead of holidays being a downer, push yourself to be involved telling your stories--and listening to others experiences from years past.

LONELINESS MAGNIFIED DURING THE HOLIDAYS

contributed by:

Dr. E. Maurlea Babb

family therapist

member of First United Methodist Church,

Glen Ellyn, Illinois

Do you look forward to the holiday season with joyful memories of the past?  Or do you, as the two persons highlighted in this article, face the holidays with feelings of anxiety and pain from past experiences.

Two persons shared their stories recently – a courageous act, allowing for vulnerability.

I am Jonathon, a 28 year old and single.  I am a Christian and try to live my faith.  I recently moved into a new community and looked forward to building new relationships so naturally turned to the church of my denomination in the area.  It is a large congregation and I was encouraged to visit the young adult group of 30 plus persons. The holidays were just beginning and the church bulletin announced a gathering to celebrate the beginning of the Christmas season.  I walked into the meeting room noting that visiting and eating was happening.  One table welcomed me to sit with them.  I got a plate of snacks and a beverage, looking forward to meaningful interactions. It did not happen.  My efforts to connect were ignored and I was feeling very alone in the midst of conversation.  I left the gathering wondering – “What would Jesus do – how would his presence have been handled.” 

I am Leona, a 79 year old widow and I’m remembering the family gathering of last year during the Holy Season.  We will gather this year at my son’s home and I will be encouraged to sit by the fire – a distance away from the rest of the family.  All will come and pay their respects with a hug and a few words but I cannot engage them in conversation for long because they have other priorities.  I know that they love me and I know that Jesus is always with me, but somehow I feel not valued, not important; my years of living and the wisdom I could share from those years is never requested. I am ‘lonely in the crowd.’

What can we do? What are we willing to do, as ambassadors of Jesus, in our church families and in our homes to embrace both physical touch and meaningful interaction in order for all to feel valued and to have a sense of belonging?  Holidays only emphasize the opportunities before us.   Let us pray and be intentional with our actions about what we profess to believe, “a creed of ‘open doors’ and ‘open hearts.’