BEWARE OF THE IDES OF MARCH

contributed by

Rev. Lowell Dean Allen

retired United Methodist pastor

“Et tu, Brute!”  Beware the Ides of March

Julius Caesar in ancient Rome met his end at the hands of a close friend Brutus on the Ides of March.

How very betrayed we feel when our closest friend(s) “stab us in the back!”

There must not be a more demoralizing experience if and when it happens.

And it does happen too often.

Climbers in the office, or those climbing the social ladder, with the attitude of  “me first”, have no concern for those whose efforts have made them appear good. It is just “get out of my way.”

Teens can be very hurtful in the social network in order to be included in the “with it’ crowd when the leaders have persuaded your friends that you are not to be a part.  Gang leaders put your friends to a test to “out” you in order to be part of the gang.

There are even those who make up untrue stories about you when they think it will give them an advantage.

You discover an adult best friend is having an affair with your mate.

These are only a few examples. You likely have your own to share. The question is “How do you handle the depressing information?  How do you recover the ‘I’m O.K.’ feelings as genuine?” In almost every instance you need to understand that there is nothing “wrong” with you, nor have you done the wrong thing--it is not your fault.

Finding a counselor or therapist that is not emotionally involved is the best way to work through the morass of bad feelings. Don’t delay doing so. Otherwise the “stew” your mind is in continues to boil!

FAMILY STORIES

note: the following post was written in response to Dr. Maurlea Babb's post of December 19, 2011 (see below). The experience is just as applicable to family reunions and gatherings of any kind as it is to the Christmas holidays.

contributed by

Rev. Lowell Dean Allen

retired United Methodist pastor

 

 

Dr. Babb’s story relating the “left out” experience of the 75 year old lady prompted me to write.

Christmas Day my Pastor Vickie Hadaway (Irving Park United Methodist) encouraged us to tell our Christmas memories to our families as we celebrate with them. On this New Years Day my family gathered to celebrate both Christmas and the birthdays that we have at this time of the year.

As we ate the wonderful meal that my college age grandson had prepared I took the opportunity to share with the three generations at the table. I told them of the Christmas time 80 years ago when I was six.  Christmas was special in the Methodist parsonage because my mother made it so for five boys.  Pastor’s salaries were in the hundreds not thousands--yes HUNDREDS. But dad and mom raised a few hens, along with a couple of cows. Mother would bake 13 egg angel food cakes with candy icing for the neighbors.  She would get a dollar for the cake which she socked away so we boys would have a toy along with the shirts she had made out of the cloth bags that contained the 50 pounds of flour purchased through the year.

I got a wind up caterpillar tractor that would crawl over the Lincoln logs or pencils. My three year old brother did not think it went fast enough so he pushed it until it stripped a gear.

I prompted our children  to remember that their mother and I purposely gave them “equal” presents. Our daughter got a doll and our son an electric train.  The next year the daughter got a train and the son a doll (Amos Andra--from the Amos and Andy radio personalities.)

We also shared information that each individually had received from extended members of the family.  Grandparents, parents, and grandchildren shared and enjoyed our “stories.”  Even the fiancé of our granddaughter got some family history and shared some of his history with us.

Instead of holidays being a downer, push yourself to be involved telling your stories--and listening to others experiences from years past.

New Beginnings

contributed by:

Dr. E. Maurlea Babb

family therapist

member of First United Methodist Church,

Glen Ellyn, Illinois

I sat in church on Christmas Eve looking at the decorations and listening to the music. I go to church every week because my family told me it was a good thing.  It is a part of my ‘routine.’  But this night was different.

I was looking at the baby in the manger and began to think of this small, vulnerable creature lying there and the life He lived. 

I thought of the first sentence of THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED – “Life is difficult.”  I certainly can relate to that statement.  My life has been filled with sadness, loneliness, struggles, and failures.

And as I continued to feel a connection, relating to His experiences and the grace with which he handled situations I began to think – “What if I began to see life differently?  What if I began to know with certainty that I am never alone, that He is always at my side, encouraging me to value this gift of life?  What if I discovered a ‘mission’ for my life?  What if I used my determination to ‘write the next  chapter’  of my life with a more positive outlook- finding one or more things to feel grateful for each day.

At that moment I received a gift – a gift of HOPE.  I could literally hear the angels sing the ‘GOOD NEWS’ – the good news that there is hope for me.  I could have a ‘new beginning.’

I left the service with a sense of wonder- telling myself that I have received the greatest gift – the gift of hope – coming to me from the small infant in the manger - Jesus Christ.  May we all allow ourselves to  experience this wonder – the wonder of New Beginnings.

LONELINESS MAGNIFIED DURING THE HOLIDAYS

contributed by:

Dr. E. Maurlea Babb

family therapist

member of First United Methodist Church,

Glen Ellyn, Illinois

Do you look forward to the holiday season with joyful memories of the past?  Or do you, as the two persons highlighted in this article, face the holidays with feelings of anxiety and pain from past experiences.

Two persons shared their stories recently – a courageous act, allowing for vulnerability.

I am Jonathon, a 28 year old and single.  I am a Christian and try to live my faith.  I recently moved into a new community and looked forward to building new relationships so naturally turned to the church of my denomination in the area.  It is a large congregation and I was encouraged to visit the young adult group of 30 plus persons. The holidays were just beginning and the church bulletin announced a gathering to celebrate the beginning of the Christmas season.  I walked into the meeting room noting that visiting and eating was happening.  One table welcomed me to sit with them.  I got a plate of snacks and a beverage, looking forward to meaningful interactions. It did not happen.  My efforts to connect were ignored and I was feeling very alone in the midst of conversation.  I left the gathering wondering – “What would Jesus do – how would his presence have been handled.” 

I am Leona, a 79 year old widow and I’m remembering the family gathering of last year during the Holy Season.  We will gather this year at my son’s home and I will be encouraged to sit by the fire – a distance away from the rest of the family.  All will come and pay their respects with a hug and a few words but I cannot engage them in conversation for long because they have other priorities.  I know that they love me and I know that Jesus is always with me, but somehow I feel not valued, not important; my years of living and the wisdom I could share from those years is never requested. I am ‘lonely in the crowd.’

What can we do? What are we willing to do, as ambassadors of Jesus, in our church families and in our homes to embrace both physical touch and meaningful interaction in order for all to feel valued and to have a sense of belonging?  Holidays only emphasize the opportunities before us.   Let us pray and be intentional with our actions about what we profess to believe, “a creed of ‘open doors’ and ‘open hearts.’

Mental Health Awareness Week

shared by Rev. Linda Deming

coordinator, Mental Health Ministries Task Group

October 2-9 (the first full week of October) will be Mental Health Awareness Week for 2011. Sometime in their lives, 1 out of 4 individuals will suffer from or will be affected by the mental illness of one close to him/her. That is 25% of our congregations! Because so many are affected, it is crucial that the Church do all it can to combat the stigma and silence surrounding mental illness in our culture, as well as providing support for affected persons. There are many ways to do this: an initial  step is to talking about mental health during a worship service in October and in the month of May, which is observed as Mental Health Awareness Month.

Below are two worship resources adapted from those offered by NAMI FaithNet. Additional possibilities (including bulletin inserts) may be found at www.nami.org/namifaithnet  http://www.mentalhealthministries.net/ and http://www.pathways2promise.org/.

The Mental Health Ministries Task Group encourage your congregation to make mental health a recurring topic in the life of your congregation.

Prayer Of Confession

We confess that we are still uninformed about mental illness and how it impacts individuals and their families.

At times, because of our lack of knowledge and understanding, we find ourselves separated from our sisters and brothers with mental illness, their families and ourselves.

There are lines drawn between us because our definitions of wholeness are distinctions made in word, not spirit.

Because of our lack of knowledge, we live cut off from sources of strength and power that help us to be present to people with mental illness. This disconnect often makes us feel that we cannot act.

Yet, in the face of all this, we continue to seek knowledge and understanding of mental illness that will bring liberation and shalom to us and those we serve, uniting us to action.

All: O God, our liberation and shalom, we seek the power of your Spirit, that we may live in fuller union with you, ourselves and our sisters and brothers with mental illness. Also grant that we may gain the courage to love and understand each other. Amen.

Pastoral Prayer

Loving Creator, we come to you because we know that you are a God of love and compassion. We come seeking your presence, comfort and guidance. We come as individuals living with mental illness, family members, friends, co-workers and mental health professionals. We come this day because we believe that you, Divine One, love each one of us just as we are. You walk with us on our individual journeys through life. You see the ignorance and injustice that divide and separate persons living with mental illness and you weep with us.

Give us courage to face our challenges. Open us to the many ways you are already working in our midst. Help us to identify mental illness as the disease it is, that we might have courage and wisdom in the face of ignorance and stigma. Inspire us as we seek to overcome fear, acquire knowledge and advocate for compassionate and enlightened treatment and services.

Lead us, enable us to find ways to include persons living with mental illness in our everyday lives. Be with doctors, therapists, researchers, social workers and all those in the helping professions as they seek to overcome ignorance and injustice with care and compassion.

Sometimes, Divine Spirit, we feel discouraged and hopeless in the face of so many challenges. Help us to see ourselves as you see us—persons of value and worth, persons of creativity and potential. May we come to understand the interconnectedness of mind, body and spirit in bringing about health and wholeness. And may we go forward into our communities with a renewed sense of vision, hope and possibility for the future. Amen. [adapted from a prayer by the Reverend Susan Gregg-Schroeder]

Humor, Prayer and Pacing

shared by Marge Sebert

member, Wood Dale Community Church (UM), Wood Dale, IL



After four inpatient hospitalizations and two outpatient sessions, I realized that this was not how I wanted to spend the rest of my life! Although I will never to ever be able to be off medications completely, this is the plan I am going to put into affect:

1. Prayer, prayer and more prayer! God can fix anyone.

2. I hope to keep them medications to a minimum!

3. I try to pace myself.

4. I try to lessen racing thoughts.

5. I try to avoid anxiety and obsessive compulsive behavior disorder.

6. I I utilize music therapy and cognitive behavior (which minimizes self-defeating thoughts).

7. I find humor in the small things, especially being able to laugh at myself! [Until my second marriage, never really knew what humor was! I grew up in a home that had no sense of humor at all. Boring!]

It isn't easy. However, I must keep working at it!

NOT A CASSEROLE ILLNESS

contributed by Leroy K. Pickett

member of First United Methodist Church,

Downers Grove, IL

Typically when people in a caring church hear that a member is hospitalized for a heart condition, cancer surgery or a broken leg, a beautifully cooked casserole is brought to the home of the family.  However, this is seldom the case when the member is hospitalized due to an episode associated with depression, bipolar disease or schizophrenia.  Hence, people who work with those in churches, who have a mental illness, consider it, “A NO CASSEROLE ILLNESS.”  Why is this hurtful stigma associated with mental illnesses? 

First of all, there may be some real issues for the person who is sick.  It seems our society would rather have a worker with untreated mental illness than one who has received treatment.  This makes absolutely no sense.  In fact, a worker may lose his/her job when it is learned that treatment has been received for one, simple mental illness episode.  Workers who receive appropriate mental health treatment perform their tasks far more effectively than those who remain untreated. 

A second and frequently more critical reason for lack of response by people at church, is that family members often hide mental illness from others because of fear of rejection, even by close friends in the church.  Oftentimes the fears experienced by the family are real reactions to previously experienced awkward silences when attempting to discuss concerns associated with mental illness.

For loving support of those experiencing the pains associated with mental illness, attitudes about mental illness must change and the church should lead the way rather than remaining decades behind.  Ian Aitken, President and Chief Executive Officer of the well-known Menninger Clinic located in Houston, Texas, wrote the following statement.  “It takes great courage to be honest about mental illness when it strikes, as it will for one in four Americans.  We cannot afford to complicate the recovery by remaining silent and sustaining the stigma that persists throughout society.  We must encourage all members of our national community to address the issue of mental illness openly and honestly and help those afflicted to access treatment as early as possible.  Early treatment for cuts to our skin prevents infection.  Like the ailments of the body, the brain responds to early treatment.”